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Strategies for middle school
My family ended up developing a few strategies getting my son through middle school (Kilmer, specifically), and my husband tells me they might be useful to other families. We're also using them with our daughter, who has just started middle school, to good effect so far. So, here's what we've had success with:
We had to give up on a number of systems that sounded great in theory, but that my son could not actually manage to execute on. The main hallmark of a good system is whether it's a system that works for him, and that he will actually be able to manage. (My son does not have any known learning delays or anything, though he's not a naturally organized person, & also not particularly good at remembering what he needs to do beyond the very next thing he's thinking about.)
My kids also are more likely to make use of a system when they understand its purpose, why I'm asking them to do the thing. For my son, the point was typically obvious by the time we were figuring out the new system, since the old system was clearly failing to accomplish its purpose. For my daughter, I've found it useful to explain about how middle school is more complicated than elementary school, with lots of stuff to keep track of. So we need more involved tools, and also we need to practice using them now (even if it feels like they're overkill at the moment) so that we already have the ability to use them as school continues getting more complicated going forward. Finally, keeping things more organized externally frees up the space that our brain would otherwise have to use to keep it organized internally. This is valuable so that our brain has more spare energy for things like learning, & processing emotions.
The school & teachers wanted to get the kids using binders with index tab dividers. That's what I grew up using, but it wasn't a system that worked for my son. He often received handouts that didn't have holes already punched, and even when he did, typically the papers ended up stuck into his backpack, where he would lose track of them. A lot of homework ended up late or completely missing because of this, often because he would complete it, but forget to return it.
We ended up switching him to using an expandable accordion file with a closing flap, with enough tabs that each class could have one. He files papers in the appropriate section, and the effort is low enough that he actually does it immediately. Generally these are the papers that need to be kept for the medium term for reference and so forth.
He has chosen to also keep a separate folder for homework & other papers that will need to be interacted with in the short term (like the "take-home folder" of elementary school), whether to be taken home, completed, or returned to a teacher. That last one has been key, because he often forgets to return papers if they're not front and center (out of sight, out of mind). (Another trick he's developed to remember to turn things in: on his school laptop, he creates a PowerPoint slide with the reminder in really big font, then puts it in presentation mode so that it's the first thing he sees when he opens the lid. This works best if the class he needs the reminder for is the first class he'll use his laptop in that day. Another possibility would be to take a screenshot of the slide, then set that as the desktop background.)
Finally, although we haven't made much use of this part of the system yet, for longer term storage, papers get moved to a filing box or cabinet with expanding file jackets / pockets for each class. I'm envisioning papers getting transferred there at the end of each class unit, or quarter, or just whenever the accordion file gets too full.
(Note that the above applied only to the academic classes. He still had a separate black binder for band, as specified & required by the band teacher.)
When we first started with this system, I asked him when he got home from school each day "Do you have any loose papers in your backpack?" That was his cue to check for & file any loose papers, so that they wouldn't get lost in the depths of the backpack. After a couple of weeks of him being able to answer that no, he had no loose papers, I stopped asking because it meant he'd mastered that part of the system.
The middle school gave him a hardcopy agenda or academic planner, which was helpful. However, he needed help learning how to use it, & getting into the habit. The explanation I gave him was:
when a teacher assigns homework due within a week, write it as a to-do the night or two before in the weekly section.
when a teacher assigns longer term projects, write the due date on the monthly calendar. When you have some time, break the project up into smaller steps. Working backwards from the due date, write the steps in the weekly section.
when a teacher mentions an upcoming test, treat the test date as a due date for the homework of studying. Write the test date on the monthly calendar, then write the studying steps in the weekly section.
We also needed a strategy to get him in the habit of both writing in & reading the agenda. Here's what we did:
when he got home from school, I would ask him "Did you write in your planner today?" & "Is there anything that isn't there yet, but should be?" This encouraged him to fill it in while any assignments were still fresh in his mind.
I offer(ed) to help with breaking down any projects or tests into steps for the weekly section. He found this guidance helpful the first few times, but hasn't really needed it since.
when he thinks he's done with homework for the night, I ask "have you double checked your agenda?"
Kilmer has stopped giving hardcopy planners, moving instead toward an electronic planner. But since the kids don't have constant access to the electronic planner while teachers are assigning homework etc, I've given my daughter a hardcopy planner, as that's what works best for the system we know how to use. I also give the kids either 2 paperclips or 2 sticky tabs, so they can easily flip to the current monthly calendar & weekly section.
As a final backup for organizational issues, I check SIS grade book weekly for missing assignments. Typically, I do this on Sunday morning, so that the kid can complete assignments during the rest of the weekend, then turn it in early the following week. It would be good for the student themselves to get in the habit of this, too, and that can be used as a weekly chore or other requirement before screen time, for instance.
For most subjects, we offer to review homework if my kids want, moving toward requirement if their grades in that subject are struggling. For math, we needed something stronger & more systematic, because later math builds so much on learning current math well & thoroughly. Here's what we do:
after every hour of the kid working on math homework, they bring it out to be reviewed. We look it over, pointing out where they've gotten the wrong answer, not shown their work sufficiently, used the wrong notation, written illegibly, etc. This first pass is done by the parent who is less emotionally gentle, or who just has the energy available at the moment.
after the kid has tried to correct the mistakes pointed out in the first review, they take it to the other parent for a second review. This parent, ideally the more emotionally gentle one, helps guide them through any misunderstandings, paying attention to their frustration levels, reassuring them when needed, & so forth. The kid corrects issues immediately during this review, so that when the review is done (sometimes after a few breaks for food, hugs, belly breathing, & general emotional management), the homework is completely correct, & the kid completely & correctly understands the subject matter.
This method works for us because both parents are fairly strong at math, having gone through & past calculus in college, and also have some tutoring experience. Folks for whom that's not true will obviously need to adapt this strategy for their own circumstances, and perhaps make use of tutoring services for at least the first review. (Apparently, FCPS students can access free tutoring from Tutor.com through their Schoology accounts.)
It's important that math homework be started well before it's due, to leave sufficient time for the whole review process to be worked through. We've found Khan Academy to be a good resource for videos teaching concepts that the kids haven't fully grasped while in the classroom, especially if the parent is a little fuzzy on the concept themselves, or is just too tired to explain it well from scratch.
I've found it useful to poke the kids at around 5:30 pm on school nights to remind them to get started on their homework. We've also had success with them setting a smart phone alarm for each school night for the same purpose.
We've posted signs in big Sharpie letters next to where the kids keep their backpacks, saying "PLUG IN COMPUTER". The habit works best if they plug it in immediately upon setting down the backpack.
This is probably less necessary before high school, but my son set himself a phone alarm each day to remind him to check his school email.
We've had good luck with Jansport's Big Student backpacks. Durability-wise, the one I used in college over 20 years ago, and since then as my go-to luggage, is still going strong. Space-wise, my son was able to carry 2 big binders plus his smaller band binder, laptop, & lots of other stuff in his; and now that the big binders are out & the accordion file is in, space is even more plentiful.
We keep phones out of bedrooms during sleeping time, so each kid has one old-style alarm clock to wake them up. Then, they've got a second alarm set on their smartphone to get them moving towards the door, putting on their shoes & heading out. This is important because they have sometimes gotten distracted during breakfast & lost track of time.
I help them think through when the alarms should be set for, working backwards, as follows:
What time do you need to be at the bus stop? (This is usually 5 minutes before the official bus pickup time, per guidance from the FCPS transportation department.)
How long does it take you to walk there? (This can be timed in the week before school, if needed.)
How long do you need for "heading out the door" stuff, like putting on shoes & socks? (This becomes the time for the alarm they set on the smartphone.)
How long do you want to have for breakfast, getting dressed, and anything else between wakeup & moving toward the door? (This becomes the time for the alarm they set on the old-style alarm clock.)
Every couple of days during the first week at a new school, I ask them how the morning timing is working for them, and that gets them thinking about if & how to tweak their alarm times. So far, bus times for a particular school have been consistent across years, so then it's just a matter of remembering what worked in the past.
Every Sunday evening, I remind them to think through making sure they're ready for school the next day. If they don't mention out loud about their alarms, I'll then specifically mention the need to turn them back on. (The smartphone alarms don't need that specifically; it's more for the old-style alarm clocks.)
When deciding on systems & strategies, we have a few high-level guiding thoughts:
Our job as parents is to raise an independent adult, who can provide food, shelter, etc for themselves, & can be a net positive in their community.
Until they're adults, they are basically apprentice humans, and our job is to help them develop the skills they'll need to someday manage for themselves.
The more they can practice these skills now, when the consequences are fairly minor, the better prepared they'll be when it becomes important to get it right consistently without supervision.
Given all that, my inclination is to have the kids do as much of the personal management work as they are capable of, & let them experience the natural consequences of their efforts so they can learn through trial & error as much as possible. We do step in with advice, especially if they request it, and intervene if the natural consequences will be too severe. But I find "the school of hard knocks" a particularly good teacher, and also this is how the kids figure out what strategies & methods work well for them & their own personalities.
Thanks for reading! I hope you've found some useful hints or insight here. Please feel free to ask any questions, or provide suggestions or feedback.
Philosophy
We had to give up on a number of systems that sounded great in theory, but that my son could not actually manage to execute on. The main hallmark of a good system is whether it's a system that works for him, and that he will actually be able to manage. (My son does not have any known learning delays or anything, though he's not a naturally organized person, & also not particularly good at remembering what he needs to do beyond the very next thing he's thinking about.)
My kids also are more likely to make use of a system when they understand its purpose, why I'm asking them to do the thing. For my son, the point was typically obvious by the time we were figuring out the new system, since the old system was clearly failing to accomplish its purpose. For my daughter, I've found it useful to explain about how middle school is more complicated than elementary school, with lots of stuff to keep track of. So we need more involved tools, and also we need to practice using them now (even if it feels like they're overkill at the moment) so that we already have the ability to use them as school continues getting more complicated going forward. Finally, keeping things more organized externally frees up the space that our brain would otherwise have to use to keep it organized internally. This is valuable so that our brain has more spare energy for things like learning, & processing emotions.
Organization
Organizing papers
The school & teachers wanted to get the kids using binders with index tab dividers. That's what I grew up using, but it wasn't a system that worked for my son. He often received handouts that didn't have holes already punched, and even when he did, typically the papers ended up stuck into his backpack, where he would lose track of them. A lot of homework ended up late or completely missing because of this, often because he would complete it, but forget to return it.
We ended up switching him to using an expandable accordion file with a closing flap, with enough tabs that each class could have one. He files papers in the appropriate section, and the effort is low enough that he actually does it immediately. Generally these are the papers that need to be kept for the medium term for reference and so forth.
He has chosen to also keep a separate folder for homework & other papers that will need to be interacted with in the short term (like the "take-home folder" of elementary school), whether to be taken home, completed, or returned to a teacher. That last one has been key, because he often forgets to return papers if they're not front and center (out of sight, out of mind). (Another trick he's developed to remember to turn things in: on his school laptop, he creates a PowerPoint slide with the reminder in really big font, then puts it in presentation mode so that it's the first thing he sees when he opens the lid. This works best if the class he needs the reminder for is the first class he'll use his laptop in that day. Another possibility would be to take a screenshot of the slide, then set that as the desktop background.)
Finally, although we haven't made much use of this part of the system yet, for longer term storage, papers get moved to a filing box or cabinet with expanding file jackets / pockets for each class. I'm envisioning papers getting transferred there at the end of each class unit, or quarter, or just whenever the accordion file gets too full.
(Note that the above applied only to the academic classes. He still had a separate black binder for band, as specified & required by the band teacher.)
When we first started with this system, I asked him when he got home from school each day "Do you have any loose papers in your backpack?" That was his cue to check for & file any loose papers, so that they wouldn't get lost in the depths of the backpack. After a couple of weeks of him being able to answer that no, he had no loose papers, I stopped asking because it meant he'd mastered that part of the system.
Organizing time
The middle school gave him a hardcopy agenda or academic planner, which was helpful. However, he needed help learning how to use it, & getting into the habit. The explanation I gave him was:
We also needed a strategy to get him in the habit of both writing in & reading the agenda. Here's what we did:
Kilmer has stopped giving hardcopy planners, moving instead toward an electronic planner. But since the kids don't have constant access to the electronic planner while teachers are assigning homework etc, I've given my daughter a hardcopy planner, as that's what works best for the system we know how to use. I also give the kids either 2 paperclips or 2 sticky tabs, so they can easily flip to the current monthly calendar & weekly section.
Checking for missing assignments
As a final backup for organizational issues, I check SIS grade book weekly for missing assignments. Typically, I do this on Sunday morning, so that the kid can complete assignments during the rest of the weekend, then turn it in early the following week. It would be good for the student themselves to get in the habit of this, too, and that can be used as a weekly chore or other requirement before screen time, for instance.
Homework, especially math
For most subjects, we offer to review homework if my kids want, moving toward requirement if their grades in that subject are struggling. For math, we needed something stronger & more systematic, because later math builds so much on learning current math well & thoroughly. Here's what we do:
This method works for us because both parents are fairly strong at math, having gone through & past calculus in college, and also have some tutoring experience. Folks for whom that's not true will obviously need to adapt this strategy for their own circumstances, and perhaps make use of tutoring services for at least the first review. (Apparently, FCPS students can access free tutoring from Tutor.com through their Schoology accounts.)
It's important that math homework be started well before it's due, to leave sufficient time for the whole review process to be worked through. We've found Khan Academy to be a good resource for videos teaching concepts that the kids haven't fully grasped while in the classroom, especially if the parent is a little fuzzy on the concept themselves, or is just too tired to explain it well from scratch.
Miscellaneous
Getting homework started each night
I've found it useful to poke the kids at around 5:30 pm on school nights to remind them to get started on their homework. We've also had success with them setting a smart phone alarm for each school night for the same purpose.
Plugging in laptops
We've posted signs in big Sharpie letters next to where the kids keep their backpacks, saying "PLUG IN COMPUTER". The habit works best if they plug it in immediately upon setting down the backpack.
Checking school email
This is probably less necessary before high school, but my son set himself a phone alarm each day to remind him to check his school email.
Backpack review
We've had good luck with Jansport's Big Student backpacks. Durability-wise, the one I used in college over 20 years ago, and since then as my go-to luggage, is still going strong. Space-wise, my son was able to carry 2 big binders plus his smaller band binder, laptop, & lots of other stuff in his; and now that the big binders are out & the accordion file is in, space is even more plentiful.
Morning alarms
We keep phones out of bedrooms during sleeping time, so each kid has one old-style alarm clock to wake them up. Then, they've got a second alarm set on their smartphone to get them moving towards the door, putting on their shoes & heading out. This is important because they have sometimes gotten distracted during breakfast & lost track of time.
I help them think through when the alarms should be set for, working backwards, as follows:
Every couple of days during the first week at a new school, I ask them how the morning timing is working for them, and that gets them thinking about if & how to tweak their alarm times. So far, bus times for a particular school have been consistent across years, so then it's just a matter of remembering what worked in the past.
Every Sunday evening, I remind them to think through making sure they're ready for school the next day. If they don't mention out loud about their alarms, I'll then specifically mention the need to turn them back on. (The smartphone alarms don't need that specifically; it's more for the old-style alarm clocks.)
General child-rearing strategy
When deciding on systems & strategies, we have a few high-level guiding thoughts:
Given all that, my inclination is to have the kids do as much of the personal management work as they are capable of, & let them experience the natural consequences of their efforts so they can learn through trial & error as much as possible. We do step in with advice, especially if they request it, and intervene if the natural consequences will be too severe. But I find "the school of hard knocks" a particularly good teacher, and also this is how the kids figure out what strategies & methods work well for them & their own personalities.
Conclusion
Thanks for reading! I hope you've found some useful hints or insight here. Please feel free to ask any questions, or provide suggestions or feedback.